You Do Not Realize Now What I Am Doing, But Later You Will Understand

Cover photo from languid curiosity

The 4th of the 10 commandment says, “Honor your father and mother.” Ma and pa, I have been truly grateful and blessed that you are my parents. I could never ask for more on what you have done to me and to us, your children, in order for us to reach the place we have attained right now. If not for both of you, we wouldn’t be able to finish our college education from prestigious universities. Most importantly, if not for the discipline and values you have inculcated to us each day, no matter how annoying your words already are, we still followed and obeyed you. If not for such things, we wouldn’t be the person that we are today.

As your youngest child and your unica hija, I believe that you have been over protective to me, all my life. Growing up as a teenager, I felt that I was incubated in a protective dome. Whenever I am not yet at home during the night, you would then text or call me. Even when I was already in college, knowing that I have a class that would commence at 9 in the evening, you still bother to call me. I would then get fearful whenever the name “Papa” or “Mama” would cause to ring my phone.

Pa, I believe that you had an iron fist when it comes to my love life. That’s when I realized that I don’t have friends who are boys. I’m not close to boys and I have difficulty in relating with boys. Whenever I just sit and talk to a boy, you would immediately ask his relation in my life. It’s as if that I’m not allowed to talk and to befriend with boys. I also realized that you have been closed-minded in whatever decision I make.

Whenever I excel in my academics or whenever I become good at something, you then talk about it and take pride for it to your friends, to our neighbors, and to your co-members in Couples for Christ and church. On the other hand, whenever I become degraded or whenever you feel that my decision or characteristic is contrary to what you expect or believe, you likewise speak about such things to them. Both of those events, I just hate it. I just wished that you understand that teenagers, like me, don’t like the idea about it. We don’t want someone to mind our life as if someone is always gazing us. That’s why I am not open to you because of this. I often don’t talk to you about the events that occur in my life because of this reason.

Graduating in college almost 3 months ago was the momentous milestone in our family. Your 3 children have, at last, graduated. It was really my motivation to finish my studies because I know that this is one of the best things a parent could take pride of. I want both of you to be proud to us. Aside from that, I was also overjoyed that I received the college diploma I’ve been working hard in my entire life. I felt that I am opening the door to independence soon. After graduating, I applied for a job. I wanted to independent and to be free. Fortunately, one recognized company saw my worth. I got hired. Yet, I was badly disappointed that both of you would still interfere regarding where I should work? For goodness sake, it’s not you who is working, it’s me. I wanted to say back-off but I don’t have the right to say that. I know that you want the best for me, but please, won’t you just listen to me right now. I want to be heard, not lectured.

Ma and Pa, I know that you got used to your only daughter being treated as a little baby or a pre-schooler. I know that you’re afraid because you might think that I would just blunder out of nowhere, just as how you got anxious when I stumble in the swing on the playground because of my carelessness. I know that you still remember the time when I drowned in tears during my first day in school because you left me in the classroom. You felt that I am dependent to you during that time. Yet, please remember that I am already 21 years old. I know that you have been through a lot in life because you have lived for six decades in this earth. Yet, you just don’t know what I’ve went through within 2 decades of my existence. I learned from my mistakes which became my foundations at present. However, I just want you to know that the Maureen you’ve seen at home is not the Maureen you’ve wholly known. The Maureen you’ve known has already grown and matured into an empowered woman.

Ma and Pa, I just want you to support me in whatever decision I make right now. I have goals and plans that I want to achieve which I still don’t want to discuss to you at this very moment. I wanted to make a surprise in my life, not only to you, but to the rest of the world. One day, you’ll realize how I’ve worked hard in my life and how I’ve sacrificed for my good just to reach the place of my dreams. I am hoping that you would be proud of me by the time I will walk confidently and you would scream at the top of your lungs, “That’s my daughter! That’s my daughter!” During that day, you will be the people I would first remember and I would be grateful for. Ma and Pa, I’m sorry if I’ve said hurtful words to you recently. I just want you to know that right now, you may not realize what I am doing, but later you will understand.

John 13:7

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