Know thyself. These were the two words which the greatest philosopher, Socrates, said. We live in our own bodies each day. However, we rarely get to know ourselves and our identity. Even I, myself, had a hard time understanding myself until I began to mingle with different kinds of people and to encounter various profound experiences.
I really never understood myself before. When I was still in high school, I felt that I really had an identity crisis. I really don’t know where I stand or where I truly fit in. I envy my classmates who easily gets along with other people. Yet, despite these things, I just have a small circle of friends. I thought that I was building walls to others. I just open up myself when I become comfortable with this individual.
What I truly hated about myself when I was still in high school was my introvert and timid personality. I keep asking myself why am I not like other people who are so bubbly, chatty, and talkative? Even in my youth group, I am always out of place or O.P because of loud people in our circle. At times, in my mind, I try to be like them, but in reality, I cannot. Sometimes, I wanted to shut them off. Yet, I just walk away and pretend that I don’t exist in front of them, resulting to a downfall in my self-confidence. I thought that I was useless and misplaced person.
Because of this, I really promised that I would change when I would already go to college.
My personality improved in college, slightly. Everything was still the same. I just have a small circle of friends whom I mostly get comfortable with. I also thought that I was still building walls to other people because of my unpleasant experiences in high school. I was not the loud one, yet I was happy being with my small group of friends whom I became my trusted confidant in times of trouble.
Relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or shallow.
When 4th year college came, I had a long-distance relationship with our neighbor who is studying at the Philippine National Police Academy. Because of the tall order I already had in my mind, I was already expecting that he would be my last. 6 months had passed and he cheated on me. I was already envisioning a long-term goal in our relationship. However, when I already sensed that there is something wrong in our relationship, I immediately cur our ties, even if the breaking hurts.
Ultimately, I present I see the beauty in that relationship. The relationship was not a failure. It was a lesson. Likewise, through that experience, I got motivated to become a successful individual. I became determined to rise above adversities.
Through these experiences, I then realized that I wanted to stand up for things which I truly believe in. I’ve always wanted to become assertive. However, my soft-spoken personality is hindering me at times. I’ve always wanted morality in this immoral world.
I never understood myself. I’ve always wanted to discover who I am. Because of that, I tried to search on the internet and take tests on what personality do I have.
After answering the test at http://www.16personalities.com, I eventually discovered that I am an INFJ, an Advocate. I tried to explore and read the description and meaning behind this personality type. Indeed, as I was reading, it’s as if it was speaking to me. At first, I doubted this test, so I had a retake on the test. I already took this for almost ten times. Truly, the result was still an INFJ. I then began to accept that I am an INFJ.
It was amazing to discover that I am part of the rare personality type which just consists 2% of the population. I immediately realized that I am part of the population who is insightful which is reflective of my blog here. I tend to pour out my emotions through writing. At the same time, it’s amazing how most of the INFJs are famous people like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Ghandi who fought for equality. Likewise, Mother Theresa Calcutta, one of the saints I look up to, is an INFJ. Also, celebrities I adore such as Oprah Winfrey, Angelina Jolie, Cate Blanchett, and Nicole Kidman belong to this group too. Not to mention that Elsa from the movie, Frozen, is an INFJ. I then knew why I loved watching the movie and listening to its themesong, Let It Go. Knowing this, I felt that I have the potential to contribute something in this world.
Honestly, there are still times right now where I felt that I don’t fit in. Like at work, I felt that I don’t belong with my co-workers since I just open up myself to a few people. I am highly-guarded. I mostly feel that I am a complex and mysterious person for those people who don’t put an effort to get to know my scenic spirit. I maybe vindictive at myself sometimes because I am mostly my worst enemy.
However, knowing that I am different and I am INFJ made me feel a sense of pride within myself. I felt that I know myself better because even though at times, I don’t fit in to certain situations, no one can dull my shine. Though this uniqueness, I am capable of shining brightly and sharing myself, my talent, my skills, and my abilities in this world.
Some lines that struck me while reading the meaning of my pesonality: