What are the things or events that amaze you? For me, I am amazed just by watching a dog fall asleep, seeing a little baby being cuddled by his or her mother, breathing the fresh air on the hills whenever I jog, and witnessing the little miracles which God continues to shower on me through his saving grace. I still have a countless things to say. Truly, we are deeply in awe of something that captures our hearts. However, there are also times when we become dissatisfied on our lives because of a lack of awe.
It’s been a year this month ever since I began to serve our church at the Immaculate Conception Parish as part of the Lectors and Commentators Ministry. At the same time, I also contribute my skills as part of the Parish Finance Council and I became a member of the Lay Dehonian which is the lay organization of the Congregation of The Priests of the Sacred Heart of Jesus – Cagayan de Oro Chapter. However, to be honest, just recently, there were times when I thought, “What if I would eventually decide to stop serving the Church and our community?” Undeniably, it is tiring to allocate your time without a single pay. It’s exhausting to serve the church as a reader or commentator by waking up at five in the morning every Fridays for the 6AM mass and eventually, go to work before 8:30AM. It’s strenuous when instead of relaxing during weekends, you likewise go to the church every 3rd Sundays and 4th Saturdays of the month since you’re assigned as the reader during the designated mass. Similarly, I have to go to the 7:30AM mass during 2nd Sundays since the Lectors and Commentators Ministry is scheduled as sponsors during the Eucharistic Celebration and at the same time, the regular monthly meeting is held after the mass. Likewise, I have to go the Sacred Heart of Jesus Seminary here in our place every 1st and 3rd Sundays for our adoration and meeting for the Lay Dehonian Community. Also, after work during weekdays, I need to accomplish my tasks as part of the Parish Finance Council. Honestly, it’s draining. I was thinking then that I have the choice to just spend my time during weekdays by relaxing and by just staying within my comfort zone.
Moreover, as the Lenten Season has come to an end today which is the Easter Sunday, I felt exhaustion since I was not able to feel the long weekend after work. I had been attending the Stations of the Cross here in our place since Thursday until Saturday by waking up at three in the morning. At the same time, since I was assigned as the psalmist for the Easter Vigil on Black Saturday, I need to go the church every morning during the Holy Week, together with the choir, to practice. We also practice with my fellow members of the Lectors and Commentators Ministry for the narration of the Passion of Christ for the Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, and Good Friday. Honestly, it was draining. I was going in and out of our house without a rest. My whole body is very weary right now.
However, I was struck by what Tita Langging, the Head of our Lectors and Commentators Ministry, said when I asked her last week if there was a time when she got tired as the leader of our ministry. She said that we are serving not for ourselves but for Our Almighty Father. We are voluntarily serving without counting the cost. Despite the tiredness we felt in serving Him, eventually, one day, we would be rewarded by eternal treasures.
With that, what she said actually changed my perspective and thinking. Most likely, I just lost the awe of God’s love in my life because I was destructed with earthly matters. I became selfish by just thinking of myself and my comfort. I have forgotten how God transformed my life several times and how He has been with me during the darkest days of my life. I have forgotten how God guided me for twenty years and eventually, graduated from college. I have forgotten how He provided me with a job that matches my course and counterparts a meaningful working experience. I have forgotten how He strengthened me during those times when challenges and adversities came on my way when I was still a newbie on my job. I have forgotten how He gave me the endurance and patience to withstand the mocking and insulting from people who never saw my worth at my workplace. I have forgotten how He gave me a family that continues to support me in the endeavors I take. I have forgotten how my heart, my mind, and my soul was renewed so that I would transform as a woman of God. I have just forgotten these things and I need to remind myself everyday, with a grateful heart, of his amazing grace.
With that, this book by Paul Tripp made me reflect on several things especially in my continuing service to our church. I continue to pray daily that I would forever have that extreme and deep awe of His amazing love for us. I am thankful for my community as I have met His children and became my family who accepts me despite my weaknesses. I would continue to love and to serve Him despite the dynamic and changing world that constantly destructs us. I need to constantly return to Him everyday. I don’t want to go away from His home and wander in the wilderness where the wolves would consume me. No matter what happens, I am in awe of His love since it’s the only one that eternally satisfies my hunger and thirst.